The Ever-changing self (Boys & Girls)

We as people living in America have an idea of how our life is going to go. It goes something like birth, social development, learn a sense of community, find yourself, develop a status, define yourself, fit in somewhere, chose your life path, settle down, fall into a routine, die. When we have to pick up and start somewhere new or when life doesn’t go as planned we get confused or discouraged. Mary Catherine Bateson explains from personal experience that “women are often constrained to make choices made by men, sometimes moving them to new places and cultures” (217). Girls are traditionally raised to be the ones that help their husbands fit into a community. They host the dinner parties and other events in order to help their husbands climb the social ladder. Bateson goes on to explain that “Young women are well-advised to be able to support themselves and to maintain that capacity of use: getting out, working with others, being effective” (210). Women of today are made to be “autonomous, independent, [and] self-confident” (210). This ideal of personality was before reserved for only men. Boys are traditionally raised to become strong men that can take care of themselves as well as their families. They are raised to believe that they must accomplish things alone, be strong and never need help. Deviating away from these ideals can lead to a midlife crisis or the need for counseling. I was curious to read that “many adults only take on the challenge of profound change when they are desperate. This is why so much of adult learning is packaged today as therapy and why it must often offer the compensation of membership in a new community or relationship” (218). When life takes a turn for the worst and we have to change we learn a lot about ourselves and others. You learn how you handle tough situations and you learn who will help you through them. In these situations it is “…helpful to get the acknowledgment of weakness over with in order to make new learning possible” (219). If people could just realize that we change and learn throughout life, not just during our “developmental years” then we wouldn’t fall into the idea that we will be who we will ultimately be when we are 30 and fall into an unchangeable routine by 45. We decide that it is easiest to fit in somewhere and never change. That is our problem. People who are open minded and take initiative in solving new problems are seen as innovated and impressive. Some may see the ability to be ever-changing as a sign of weakness because you are not fool heatedly set in your opinions, but my generation admires these qualities. It could possibly be our new found access to information that allows us to see these attributes as ones to be coveted and gained personally. A good rule of thumb to live by in today’s society is that the more you learn the less you realize how you know. This should be an invitation to continue your personal education throughout your life. You need to learn as much as you can whenever you can so you can be considered “wise” when you are old. Einstein understood this well. When Einstein was confronted with frustrating problems he would take it was an opportunity to learn. Similarly Thomas Edison was quoted saying "I did not fail I found 2000 ways not to make a light bulb". We all live in a way that we hope will make us remembered; a way that will make our lives mean something. We may strive to become an expert in our field or make the world a better place, but most of us just want to know that we left something behind.